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Below are some letters sent to the church from various people that went unanswered.
Letters were also sent to the United Church of Christ and we did get one response which is below.
However, we did get our answer through law enforcement.
Our mission is to make sure this does not ever happen to another family.
November 11, 2007
  To Whom It May Concern;
  I am writing this letter to your church in reference to the service that I attended there on November 8th for my niece, Dorothy- Dawn Palmer.
  First of all, I wish to say that Rev. Jane Rich conducted a beautiful service for my niece. Rev. Rich spoke of my nieces kindness and caring. She spoke of how Dee Dee was the one who made sure NO ONE was EVER left out. – Which is the very reason why I am compelled to write this letter to your church.
  I feel the need to tell you about Dee Dee’s father - Sherwood Palmer. My brother is one of the kindest, caring people I have or will ever know. He genuinely cares about other people’s feelings and is always there when he is needed. He is unselfish and won’t think twice about putting others before himself. He is a shoulder to cry on, a man who will listen, and the one person I can depend on to help me through the difficulties that life sometimes hands me. For those of you who were blessed to know my niece, does any of this sound familiar to you??
  But yet, my brother sat in the front row of the church and was never ONCE recognized as the father of his daughter whom he loved so much. And EVERYONE except those who just didn’t care noticed it. So, therefore, though the service was beautiful, my niece was really only given the respect of half a service in your church.
  Our family spoke of what had taken place in your church and besides sharing our grief over the loss of Dee Dee, more hurt and pain was added by the sadness and hurt we felt for my brother. We chose not to pass full judgment at that time and hoped it had just been an oversight.
  The next day, we joined together once again at the New Cemetery in Eustis for Dee Dee’s committal service. Once again my brother was seated in the front row. Rev. Rich spoke of how she had reflected back on her service from the day before. She spoke of how important it had been to Dee Dee that no one was to be left out. I began to feel happiness and relief. – For both Dee Dee and my brother.
  But once again my brother– Dee Dee’s father’s – name was not spoken. Rev. Rich instead said she had forgotten to mention Dee Dee’s step-grandparents.– It was important that they be mentioned because that is what Dee would have wanted.
  There are NO WORDS that can EVER repair the wounds of a heart that was already broken!!
  Our kind and LOVING God would never see this as acceptable!! How do you think God would feel if we did not recognize Him as the father of Jesus? How would Jesus feel if we did not recognize Him as God’s son? And how do you think my brother felt sitting there before his daughter and Rev. Rich in your church and not being given the respect of being recognized as his sweet wonderful daughter’s father??!!
  NOTHING can ever undo the devastating damage that has been added to our family’s already broken hearts.
  I only hope that you will NEVER make another parent or family suffer through the pain that my brother and our family is going through now.
And I hope you will dig deep down in your soul and find the answer to one VERY important question.– IS THIS WHAT DEE DEE WOULD HAVE WANTED??!!
  No one is looking for or expecting an apology from your church or Rev. Rich. — Just an answer to a very simple one word question – WHY?!

Alicia Fortenbacker
Sheila Stevenson
258 Bruce Hill Road
Cumberland, ME  04021
#207-829-6542


November 11, 2007

Rev. Jane Rich
First Congregational Church
Route 120
Andover, ME  04216

Dear Reverend Rich:

The tragic loss of Dee-Dee Palmer was a devastating blow to family and friends.  She was a young woman beyond her years in her ability to spread love and compassion to the world around her.  Her purity of heart and loving nature touched many lives.  Perhaps she was one of those specially chosen few that truly are too good for this world. 

My daughter and I are close friends of Renee and Sherwood Palmer, Dee-Dee’s other parents.  They are good and loving people.  It isn’t difficult for those that know Sherwood and Renee, to see that she came by her sensitivity to the world around her quite naturally.  I don’t know Sandy and Joe, but I don’t doubt for a minute that their pain and devastation is deeper than anything I could imagine and that they loved Dee-Dee deeply.  Obviously she was a product of much love and nurturing from both of her parents and her extended family.

The purpose of my letter is to tell you how shocked and dismayed I felt at Dee-Dee’s celebration of life this week, when there was no credit, honor, nor recognition given to the man who gave life to this young, inspirational girl.  Sadly, as if the pain of losing Dee-Dee wasn’t enough, Sherwood had to endure being shunned from her celebration of life.  He had to endure two days of listening to you talk about the people that molded her life and never once mention his name, look in his direction or offer him your support or condolences.  I was horrified by your lack of compassion toward Sherwood and his family. 

Dee-Dee Palmer loved her father and his family.  She shared countless wonderful times with them throughout her growing years.  She may not have lived with them, but she knew she was loved and cherished by them and she loved them in return.  She wrote a letter recently to her father and Renee, telling them how she felt.  I think it’s a blessing, in light of your neglect of respect to them, that she shared her feelings so openly before she was taken away so tragically. 

I pray for you that you’ve never lost a child of your own and that you never will.  It’s unfathomable to have your child die before you.  But I pray even more that you never feel the pain that Sherwood Palmer and his family felt, after enduring the devastating loss of their beloved Dee-Dee, sitting in your church and then at her graveside, being treated with such blatant disregard and indifference and a complete lack of compassion on your part. 

Had you taken even a short time to get to know the Palmer family you would have seen the goodness in them and felt their deep sense of loss.  They would have been able to share their own stories with you of family vacations and simpler times with Dee-Dee.  I believe as the Pastor of a church, you owe it to your congregation to look inside yourself and to God for forgiveness.  I am also a member of a UCC church and love my church for it’s inclusiveness of all God’s children.  In disregarding both sides of Dee-Dee’s family you not only let her down, you did the United Church of Christ a great injustice.

Sincerely,

Sheila M. Stevenson
November 13, 2007
Renee & Sherwood,

I am at a total loss for words, along with shock I'm angry, that minister needs to go and should never be allowed to have a church again.  I'm going to write her a letter.  That is just so unexcusable.

My heat is breaking for you and Sherwood.  Loseing a child is so darn difficult to start with and then have something like this happen to add to the stress is totally uncalled for.  I wish I could do something to help take some of the pain away.  I am praying very hard for both of you and hope that you can find some peace as time goes on.

Sending gentle hugs to both of you.

June
November 15, 2007
Palmer Family:

I am sorry that your experience of the ministry of the church at the time of your daughter’s death was so painful.  All of us would hope for this time to be one of consolation and support.  I will forward your concern to our Conference Minister in Maine and ask him to be in conversation with Rev. Rich about this.  Meanwhile, know that you are in my prayers in this difficult time. 

John Thomas

John H. Thomas
General Minister and President
United Church of Christ
700 Prospect Ave.
Cleveland, OH     44115
216-736-2101  (phone)
216-736-2103  (fax)
Various people that did talk with the Reverend said she did this because:
... Dee's mother and step-father were members of her church and we (Palmer family) were not.
...she felt she did no wrong.
...it was an honest mistake.
....she was grieving.
...it was an over sight.
...she mentioned she was a daughter and that should have covered it.
...it was requested by the family.

After sending the above letters to the Reverend. She had contacted the Sheriff's office and asked them to contact us to tell us we could not come to her church to speak to her or have any contact with her. She did not want to speak with us even though we were told by church members that she would. However, in our conversation with the Sherrif, he asked if we had spoken with Dee's mother which we said we did and he said, "well you need to contact her again as the Reverend told me she was doing what was requested".  It all makes sense now why when Sherwood asked Dee's mom to go with us to confront the Reverend on why this was done, she told him, "It is not my journey to take and it is your journey". She said, "I do not feel the Reverend did anything wrong as the Reverend was grieving also".

We are now on a journey to see that justice is done for this action and hope that another family may never have to go through this in the future..

"What a wicked web we weave when we first practice to deceive and then we believe"

Why anyone done this is beyond comprehension. What is there to gain? Why not appreciate the relationship you had without trying to ruin and take away what someone else had. It is not about who is better or who did more. Who was there everyday and who could not be there everyday. It was about a beautiful young lady who was loved very much by everyone, who lived a great life, gave so much of herself to everyone she met, and had family and friends on both sides that loved and cared for her beyond measure. She was the young woman she was because of everyone. Why take away from yourself what you had.

Dee will live forever as she will never be forgotten in all the hearts of those who loved her.
She lived a wonderful life and for that we should all be grateful.

The grieving is beyond imagination. No words can ever explain the pain. Everyday is a struggle. Each day is a roller coaster ride. All we can do is take one day at a time. Hang onto the precious memories we all have had with her and be thankful she did not suffer. She lived a great life in the short time she was here.
She taught us all something that we need to bring into our own lives.
Never miss an opportunity... as you may never have another.
We are thankful we had the opportunity to be with her the week before this tragedy. Nothing can ever take that time away and it was a time we will forever be grateful for. We shared one more scrabble game, one last smile with her, one more laugh, and our last goodbye. We were given this last piece of her life to share between us and to treasure.
We will always miss her and love her....
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves the crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34.18